May 2013
wimey:
i’m made of sarcasm and sexual frustration
Hofstra student killed by police during break-in →
Home invader takes woman hostage. 911 called, police show up and kill both. Well, thank god the cops didn’t get hurt…
Me: *sits in towel for 6 months after showering*
porndirector:
i’d be so attractive if i was attractive
royal-high:
a kid from my school just got expelled today for pretending to be russian for 8 months. he pretended he couldn’t read, write or talk english he did good in all his classes because he had all the teachers and principles convinced he just moved from russia, so they didn’t make him do any work
asap-tran:
really-shit:
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
fuck
whorville:
I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life
n3ck-deep:
If you want to eat pizza and watch Lord of the Rings or Star Wars all day with the occasional sexual break, then you are marriage material.
